Day One: Panama City

After four months of planning and many touching goodbyes, I finally hit the road for Cali. First stop Panama City…so I thought! Well I had already planned on stopping in Gainesville for coffee with an old friend but I didn’t plan on spending too much time there. Life always has its own plans though, right? My new buddy the GPS froze right before I got to Gainesville and it just so happened that the coffee shop my friend directed me to was right across from a Best Buy, so I was able to go and seamlessly switch out my defective GPS for a new one.
So I was back in business and able to hit the road again. Problem is that I hadn’t established a relationship of trust with my new friend yet. She initially had me getting off on one exist toward PC and then, after stopping at a gas station and starting her back up again, she had me getting off at a new exit. I decided to take the old exit anyways. Turns out the new exit was probably more efficient. Apparently I took the scenic route. It may have been longer but it provided some nice visuals to pass the time. I got to go down some old country roads, past massive corn fields and saw some flowers I had never seen before. The highlight was going over, what appeared to be an antique trestle, which spanned the Apache River. I didn’t know bridges like that still existed and, if I had time to think about it, probably wouldn’t have crossed it!
When I arrived at my fist couch surfing accommodation, I immediately got that “I want my mommy feeling” as I pulled up to house with a lawn that appeared to be decorated with garbage and had a couple crouching on the stoop whom very well could be the driving force behind posted signs on businesses that read “No shirt. No shoes. No business!” I was ready to take flight upon the mere thought of sleeping at this place. This overwhelmingly vacant, abandonment feeling started to boil inside. I knew this feeling all too well. This is the same feeling that kept me awake at sleepovers as a little girl and, although less powerful over time, generally tries to tag along any of my independent adventures away from home. But I’ve made a vow to myself not to let this panicky force dictate my future, so I continued to proceed ahead…with caution, of course! My spiritual endeavors came to serve me at this time as I heard a moving meditation commentary going on inside that was a mixture of spiritual teachings, conversations with friends and previous experiences, which sounded something like this… “Relax and observe. Just let this intensity move through you. Don’t feed it with week thoughts. You don’t have to stay here, if you don’t want to. Something else will work out. You’ve experienced this feeling before. It’s not the scene, it’s you. Just see it out and then decide what you want to do. Relax, and let this emotion die under observation.” In a few moments, I met my host, who fit this scene, but was darn nice and provided some kind of warmth, just by being. After a tour and a little chit chat, I quickly opted to go for a bike ride while she did some yard work.
This is where things started looking up. I made my way down by the bay, which provided the comfort of home with its similarity to the Bayshore Blvd. set up…ritzy houses across a busy street from a bay. The only difference was this bay wasn’t enclosed with a wall but was open like a beach. So, I allowed nature to sooth me as I took a long bike ride and enjoyed a waterside meditation. Even though I had already scoped out my back-up digs, I was ready to go back and check the place out again. When I got back, the original greeters, who turned out to be handy men, were gone. I pulled up to see my host working on her latest art piece in the backyard and realized that all that stuff that I originally wrote off as trash in the yard was actually her artistic creation. Funny what the mind creates based on fears, previous bad experiences, whatever…

Later that evening, we delighted in some simple chat about art and travel as she watch her movie and I played around on the computer. Then I laid myself down with some sense of accomplishment in my heart and had what was probably one of the best night sleeps I had in a long time.